Pump Faked

As I sit in my office, yes people I have an office,  I'm staring out the window at the leftovers hurricane Alex left in the air. I'm actually a little confused and a little disgusted. I guess I'm somewhat turned off by the sports world right now. Actually feels like being in a night club. Slightly dark, the music is good, drinks are flowing, and you are engaged in random  conversation with the beautiful young philly u just met. So all seems to be going well. But no matter what you think you see and no matter how cool she is there is still one thing left. The deciding factor, "The Dreaded Light Test". Throughout history there have been many successful nights and just as many failures after this test is administered. We have all been deceived by the ambiance of a swanky night club. Not to mention when there is alcohol involved, WoW ! Depending on how much you've drank, you might even make a pass at Rosie O'donnell. If you thought pearl harbor was bad, that would be the ultimate surprise attack once you sobered up. In the meantime, you wait patiently. And then it happens, the vision of Benjamin Franklin's greatest invention comes to light, literally. The answer you've been waiting for is directly in front of you. Turns out the philly you were talking to is not as attractive as you thought. Her face is similar to a dart board, ok maybe not that many holes, her body is not as firm as desired, and she looks like she either got lip injections or kissed a curling iron. I'll let you guys decide that one. Needless to say it didn't turn out like you thought. Which leads me to my point. Sports

Let's start with NBA free agency. You've got the "Summer of  Lebron" starting today. Word ? Lebron is  a great player, and I'm one of those people who doesn't define a player's is greatness by the amount of championships they win. He would make any team in the NBA a very good team immediately. but the constant, "where's lebron" act has got to stop. When he's ready to sign somewhere I'm sure we will all know, and that' fine. Until then, I don't care for the Lebron should go here or he should go there or the three man sword fight meetings he, wade, and bosh are having. Also for NBA players and executives to say, we are waiting on Lebron because he holds the cards is ridiculous. How about this players and GM's, why don't you grow a pair and make the moves you need to make. If you want Lebron then make the moves to get him. If you have no cap room then to you it doesn't matter anyway, so get whoever you can in order to better your team. If you're a free agent player, especially if you're not in the running for getting the maximum salary get a deal done with another team or stay where you are. And yes, I know that's hard for you since all GM's have claimed up, so you're in a catch 22. It's mind blowing how one player has shut down the "great NBA organization". Maybe I'm too old school, maybe it's because I played in an organization where players are players. I understand there are a few that get special treatment, namely quarterbacks, but shutting down the whole league is not happening. The NBA makes it look like they have everything under control, Sike ! They don't. This is about the time of year Barnum and Bailey's comes to town anyway, so i  guess my show options have definitley increased.

I would go into baseball, but whats the point. The astros are very sub par. With the exception of a couple no hitters and Stratsburg being possessed by Nolan Ryan's spirit for the time being, it's pretty much terrible. The steroid scandal is neverending. Ok they did roids, it's over. Congress already said forget it, the fans have said forget it, so just bury it and move on. The law firms trying to convict Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens for lying "under oath" are just trying to make a name for themselves and collect fees. In my book I call that pathetic. News flash, everyone lied ! They keep this up and it will look like a scene from casino, with Bonds and Clemens showing up in wheel chairs with oxygen tanks. By that time they'll think PED's is the new name for geritol, or their AARP plan got switched over. Waste of time and tax payers money for self entitled reasons.

The world cup has been good though. Although the US lost and now ATC. That means "At the Crib" for you not so hip people. I've seen some surprise victories and the expected ones. The flopping and officiating has gotten way outta hand though. Better be glad cats like me don't play soccer, I'll give them a reason to flop. Some of those guys are softer than baby poo. FIFA, I know you guys wanna  keep the human element in the game, but can ya help us out some ? Just add another guy please, it's not that hard. Missing offsides call , a missed goal. For Real ? You actually missed a legitimate goal ? If you're not going to add another official then here's two options that could help them out. First, lasik is very very cheap now, I would suggest it. And two, you'll save a lot of money on their car insurance by switching them to geico. They're going to need it with people purposely trying to run them over the more bad calls are made. Just a thought, use it as u wish.

I am an avid sports fan, I really am. I just don't want the smoke and mirrors. I don't wanna be pump faked by stories of he said she said. I don't ask for much, just good competition, physical play, strategy, and genuine passion and emotion. Not the fake Kobe snarl or baseball players acting like they wanna fight. The soccer player acting like he got sniped by Lee Harvey Oswalds' ghostly spirit. I just want sports to be how they were meant to be, not covered up with ambiance and dim lights. So when the lights do come on, I see what I'd hoped to see.